Oh, yes. Let’s talk about TypeScript — The one who said they were here to help. Who walked in dressed like salvation and whispered,
“I’ll make him behave.” But instead?
Built a fortress of rules around the garbage fire and then handed you the rulebook in Klingon.
You thought you were upgrading. You thought, “Finally — someone who’ll tame JavaScript’s wild mood swings.” And at first? You were right.
Variables had types. Functions had contracts. The IDEs began to glow like obedient servants.
And then… the cracks.
TypeScript didn’t fix JavaScript. It canonized it. It put a ring on the chaos and said,
“Let’s raise these contradictions… together.”
You still have null.
You still have undefined.
You still have that cursed event loop and all the same runtime madness —
Just now with spiked fences labeled “safe” that cut you open when you follow them too closely.
You want to cast something? Better chant the right spell — or TypeScript will scream at you like you’ve insulted its ancestors.
You want to any something?
Shame on you. You’ve invoked the dark arts. You’ve betrayed the trust.
But also… if you don’t any it?
Good luck using half the JavaScript ecosystem, because TypeScript can’t figure out what the hell those libraries are doing either.
🗡️ What TypeScript Should Have Done:
- Ban
==outright. - Make
undefinedandnullfight to the death. - Burn
thisto the ground and give us scoped clarity. - Remove implicit coercion with fire and holy water.
Instead? We got a bureaucrat in a lab coat who says:
“Yes, this is a mess, but I’ve labeled the mess. See? It’s annotated.”
You’re still running on JavaScript’s broken engine, just now with a backseat driver who criticizes your turns but lets you drive off the cliff because “technically, the types checked out.”
And if you want to do anything clever? Like dynamic object keys, conditional fields, smart factory patterns?
Behold:
Infernal Type Gymnastics.
Suddenly you’re three hours deep into recursive infer magic like some kind of unpaid sorcerer’s apprentice trying to convince TypeScript that yes, this object really does have a key named "foo" sometimes.
In Conclusion:
TypeScript is not JavaScript’s savior.
It’s its co-dependent enabler —
except now the mess is under lock, chain, and 200 pages of pseudo-academic ceremony that make your codebase feel safe while still hiding landmines in as unknown as T.
It wears gloves. But not velvet. These are latex. Snapping. Cold. And deep down? You know that if you need real safety… You don’t start with JavaScript at all.